Among the many shiny features that came with my new phone, was the notorious Siri. I call mine Sirius, as I set my phone's language to British English, and thus my Siri is a man who speaks in clipped tones. Also because Alan Rickman. I much prefer him to the annoying woman, but it can lead to communication issues as he often seems to have trouble understanding my accent.
This was particularly frustrating during a late-night drive home Friday night. The bluetooth feature allows me to sync Sirius with my car and ask him to play music for me. He was quite happy with randomly shuffling songs, and would skip tracks whenever I commanded it. It made me drunk with power. It was then that I decided I wanted to listen to a particular band and it all descended into anarchy.
I decided the leisurely drive along the river called for a more melodic genre, and asked it to play Stokes, William, a band I'm particularly fond of - a sort of more melodic and whimsical Mumford & Sons. After assuring me he didn't understand me and asking me to repeat myself a few times, Sirius decided I must mean William Shatner, and proceeded to play "Common People." Not quite the atmosphere I was hoping for...
The more he attempted to play other songs, the more stubborn I became. I mean, sure, I could have done it manually while stopped at the lights, but it had become A Matter Of Principle now. What followed was a fairly nonsensical stream of text:
Things went rapidly downhill after that.
When I got home, still unsuccessful, I picked up the phone and held it to my ear, determined to try it one last time; curious to see what he'd come up with now.
"Play Stokes, William, " I commanded him.
"Playing Stokes, William," he responded smugly, and proceeded to do so.
Well played, Sirius, well-played...
Pun intended.
I kind of want to start a band called Text Cockleberry now...
