Takestock

I've been in the process of moving house this last week, and moving always seems to make me take stock of my life.  There's something about your entire life being reduced to a pile of boxes that really puts things in perspective.

I've just come back from a trip to Paris to study French, and I've been extremely restless since I've returned, hence the sudden move.  The move has been a much-needed change of scenery, but it's also been an opportunity to sort through and weed my possessions.  I have a bad habit of hoarding things - virtually everything I own has some memory attached to it.  Some were once very important to me but this has faded with the passage of time. Some are reminders of the good times I've had with people, some remind me of absent friends, some inspire me. And some I just think are pretty. Some wouldn't have been things I'd have chosen for myself, but which I have come to love dearly and would be devastated to lose.  A couple of minor damages incurred during the moving process thanks to my own clumsiness made that much clear.

The most visually satisfying aspect of my home for me is the collages I build on the wall of my desk.  I have one that has been evolving over the last 5 years.  Each time I've moved I've taken it down piece by piece, discarded the mementos that no longer hold much meaning and then started a new one.  This move has been no different.  This last one was developed over the last two years, so there was quite a lot of stuff that needed culling, and it was interesting to see how much was still important to me.  It's had a heavy injection of French-themed paraphernalia this time following this trip, and remains a favourite feature in my home.

I'm about halfway through constructing the desk collage in my new digs, and the memories the individual pieces evoke always makes it an interesting experience.  I have been to some truly amazing and fun places like Berlin, Paris, London, New York, Florida and Prague, and spent time with such amazing people, some of whom are past tense, some present.  Some have been weeded from the wall now, but many still remain; cards or notes people have made for me, tickets from trains in distant locations, or exhibits or shows I loved, images that have inspired me in some way. Some may seem silly to the casual observer, but each holds a meaning for me.

It's the little things that I love the most; a ticket from a walking tour in Berlin which opened my eyes to a whole different world, a cryptic card which reminds me of a crazy night of silliness via text which culminated in my being given a present containing frozen sausages wrapped in handmade paper and a card decorated with staples at work, discovered hidden messages my best friend used to leave whenever he visited, ribbons from various treasured gifts, miscellaneous free postcards from trips to see my other best friend on the east coast or random adventures around my home city, a little blue birthday card from a few years ago whose brief, simple message touched my heart, a poem written for me, business cards from various cafes and restaurants which remind me of scintillating conversations in delightful company, a note I found rolled up in a wine bottle in an alley in Erskinville during an evening adventure bearing the instruction 'read me', a cross-stitched 'bee-yatch' from my best friend, the note from the bouquet she sent me the day I completed my masters degree, tickets from favourite concerts and plays, either because of the content or the company, romantic mementos, an autographed Rocky Horror picture which reminds me, 'don't dream it, be it'. Plus many random images that I simply find inspiring in some way.

I'm glad of these memories, even the ones tinged by sadness and regret. I regret the mistakes I have made, and the losses which proved beyond my control, but I have never regretted the friendships or the experiences.  They have helped make me what I am today. I am grateful for them all, and though I miss the people and the times which are long gone, I am also buoyed by the reminder of the experiences. There are many situations I would have handled differently had I had the clarity of hindsight, but there are others which I now realise were inevitable. But, even knowing that, I'd do it all again. For all the drama and badness that I've been through, I've known some very special people, and I've had a very good and happy life so far.  Sure, there are things I wish were different, but I'm learning to accept that which I can't change and weed out the negative, and I'm continually endeavouring to improve on that which I can.

As John Lennon said, 'life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.' There's always something new and exciting around the next corner. The collage reminds me of where I've been, who I am, and who I want to be.